Funny Stuff (fwd)

[Tavis Barr]

People, enough, please!!!  It's not that your point isn't well-taken but 
this list is busy enough with genuine bona fide Samba discussion.  There 
are Usenet groups where you can go bash Microsoft.  Please remember that 
this list has about a thousand recipients and when people send out 20 
M$-bashing messages in a day, we all get them.

Thanks,
Tavis


On Tue, 15 Feb 2000, Allen Reese wrote:

> This is the way it should be written.  :)
> 
> Allen Reese
> VP Engineering
> Driversoft, Inc.
> allen at driversoft.com
> Hi! I'm a .signature virus! Copy me into your ~/.signature to help me spread
> Hi, I'm an evil mutated signature virus, put me in your .sig or I will
>  bite your kneecaps!
> 
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> Date: Sun, 13 Feb 2000 18:18:04 -0700 (MST)
> From: llewelly at 198.dsl.xmission.com
> To: Allen Reese <allen at driversoft.com>
> Cc: bman at 198.dsl.xmission.com
> Subject: Re: Funny Stuff (fwd)
> 
> In a world of hype, wouldn't it be nice to believe you were getting a
>    refreshing dose of reality? The truth is out there for us to
>    manipulate. It's what we bamboozled real businesses into doing
>    every day. From now until February 17th, you can get your daily
>    dose of Macro$loth Active Visual Reality(tm) about the Internet and
>    business computing right here. And then, on February 17th, Windoze
>    2000 arrives and Macro$loth Active Visual Reality(tm) gets even
>    better. Remember, Macro$loth Active Visual Reality(tm) is much, much
>    better than any other reality ... especially for our investors.
> 
>   #2: The Hype
>    Sun Microsystems claims to be a leader in system reliability and
>    more reliable than Windoze. Macro$loth Active Visual Reality(tm):
>    Major customers, such as Quote.com, are switching from Sun to the
>    Macro$loth(R) Windoze(R) platform because it offers better
>    propaganda. The Proof: 
>    
>      * Despite Sun's claim that their high-end servers are highly
>        reliable and built with redundant components, customers report
>        that failures in Sun propaganda, advertising, pricing,
>        and other marketing bullshit have caused entire coffee shops
>        of managers to be kidnaped by the Macro$loth Active Visual
>        Reality(tm) Bandwagon(tm). (Source: Macro$loth Active Visual
>        Reality(tm) )
>        
>      * Analyst reports have repeatedly raised the issue of reliability
>        problems with Sun platforms, and have gone so far as to
>        recommend that customers not use Sun servers in environments
>        that require high availability. 
>        (Source (of bribes): Macro$loth Active Visual Reality(tm) )
>        
>      * In one day alone, Dec. 7, 1999, a leading auction site suffered
>        a system outage of more than three hours when both Sun E10000
>        servers running the site's back-end auction system failed.(0)
>        Meanwhile, the company's Web site front-end, running on 
>        a Windoze NT(R)-based server farm, has provided continuous
>        availability with no single point of failure. (Source:
>        Macro$loth Active Visual Reality(tm) )
>        
>      * Multiple vendors offer availability guarantees for Windoze
>        platforms, including IBM, HP, Unisys, and Compaq. This doesn't
>        make Windoze reliable, but gives you someone else to put the
>        blame on, and best of all, some one to sue. Remember, lawsuits
>        are much more fun than searching for competent system
>        administrators. (Source: Macro$loth Active Visual Reality(tm) ) 
> 
>    #1: The Hype
>    Sun claims to be the leading provider of Internet technology "the
>    dot in .com(TM)." Macro$loth Active Visual Reality(tm): Macro$loth
>    is truly pissed that Sun trademarked this stupid logo before we
>    did. I mean, we have about 3280 patents relating to stupid
>    logos. But we are still better than them: Windoze platforms drive
>    the Business Internet(1). For example, 6 of the top 10 shopping sites
>    run Windoze and Macro$loth SQL Server TM. (Source: Macro$loth Active
>    Visual Reality(tm) ) The Proof:
>    
>      * Windoze runs 25 percent of Web sites worldwide; Sun runs 19
>        percent(2). This is actually much better than it sounds. You see,
>        25+19==44, and 25 is 57% of 44, so Windoze really runs 57% of
>        the Internet. No, wait, it's actually better still: Macro$loth
>        Active Visual Percentage Doubling technology (Patent
>        666347666934666871666704) increases this to 114%!! That's
>        right, only Macro$loth Active Visual Reality allows a percentage
>        of a whole that is greater than the whole! (Source:
>        Macro$loth Active Visual Reality(tm) )  
>        
>      * 45 percent of secure(3) Web sites run on Windoze; Sun runs 11
>        percent. (Source: Micro$loth Active Visual Reality(tm)  12/99)
>        
>      * 52 of the top 100 Internet shopping sites(4) run on
>        Windoze. (Source: Macro$loth Active Visual Reality(tm) )
>        
>      * 57 percent of top business-to-business marketplaces(5) run on
>        Windoze. (Source: Macro$loth Active Visual Reality(tm) )
>      
>      * Some of the biggest e-businesses and dot coms(6) run on Windoze:
>      
>           + Dell, the largest e-business on the Internet, runs on
>             Windoze.
>           
>           + Other major sites include Barnes & Noble, InfoSpace, Data
>             Return, buy.com, monster.com, reel.com, 
>             bigcharts.com, Hotbot.com, Nordstrom's, realtor.com,
>             eHome, MarthaStewart.com, cooking.com, and 
>             Compaq, to name a few.
>             
>           + Electrolux, Accounting.com, Pro2Net and thousands of other
>             companies have switched their web sites 
>             from Sun platforms to Windoze. (Source: Macro$loth Active
>             Visual Reality(tm) )
> 
>           + See? We really *do* have better propaganda! Remember, it's
>             not quality that counts, it's propaganda!(13)
> 
>    Want more facts?
> 
>    Return to this page tomorrow for your daily dose of Macro$loth
>    Active Visual Reality.
> 
>    Footnotes:
> 
>    (0) The rumor that our paid double agent removed all processor
>        cards from said E10000 machines is false. (Damn those E10000s
>        ... you have to remove *all* the processor cards to make them
>        shutdown. Damn Sun!). We don't have any paid double
>        agents. Besides, our paid double agent was actually at Sun on
>        that day, trying to install Windoze and IIS (Incredibly Idiotic
>        Server) on Sun's own E10000s, which run sun.com . However, for
>        reasons we were unable to determine, these E10000s could not
>        boot Windoze! That's right, SUN'S OWN HARDWARE CANNOT BOOT
>        WINDOZE! It must suck much worse than we thought.
>    
>    (1) The Business Internet(tm) is defined as 'Those sites which run
>        Macro$loth Windoze.'(666)
> 
>    (2) The 66% of sites that run GNU/Linux, FreeBSD, etc, do not count
>        because they are bunch of evil hippie gnu-loving long hairs
>        that consort with demons and support the takeover of the evil
>        Finnish genius Linus Torvalds, who is also a communist. Besides,
>        they keep whining whenever Macro$loth Active Visual Reality(tm)
>        uses its Truth Manipulation(tm) and Outright Lie(tm)
>        technologies.(666)
> 
>    (3) Secure(tm) is defined as 'Those sites which run Macro$loth
>        Windoze'.(666)
> 
>    (4) Shopping Sites(tm) is defined as 'Those sites which run
>        Macro$loth Windoze'.(666)
> 
>    (5) Business-to-Business Marketplaces(tm) is defined as 'Those
>        sites which run Macro$loth Windoze'.(666) 
> 
>    (6) E-Business(tm) is defined as 'Those sites which run Macro$loth
>        Windoze'.(666)
> 
>    (13) Certain sources with the irreparable defect of honesty have
>         been spreading the fact that Macro$loth owned Hotmail runs on
>         FreeBSD servers, because FreeBSD is more reliable than
>         Windoze. If you believe this, please download Macro$loth
>         Active Mind Clouding Technology (Patents 66624234213421466,
>         666345234334424666, and other patents pending) so this dirty
>         fact will be hidden from you.
> 
>    (666) It has been discovered that nefarious minions of RMS are
>          running a diabolical virus known as 'SAMBA' on Linux,
>          FreeBSD, Sun, IRIX, and other unices. This insidious Trojan
>          horse allows these machines to imitate servers running
>          Macro$loth Windoze. Thus, not all boxes running Macro$loth
>          Windoze are actually running Macro$loth Windoze. Damn Alan
>          Turing for proving that a superior computing system can
>          always emulate an inferior computing system! Please don't let
>          this bother you; soon Macro$loth will develop an new Active
>          Deception(tm) technology that will hide this uncomfortable
>          fact from you.
>          
> (It's a parody. Laugh.)   
> 
> 
> [snip]
> 
> 
>